Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Je Suis idiots!!

This morning we had a lovely full English breakfast at the Cute and Crazy Inn...

Hi it was delicious, except every 5 seconds Jeff and Adam kept saying "is this the Chunnel" or "are we in the Chunnel?"

Ugh I could tell it was going to be along day! Oh and neither of the boys know any French, oh wait that is not true, Jeff knows how to say "who cut the cheese", so that will clearly be helpful.

But alas it was time to check out, except Adam and Jeff (who claim they packed light) had a wee bit of trouble coming up the stairs...

This was karma for all the Chunnel bits...

I think Adam's "light" suitcase weighs more than he does...

We hopped in a taxi and said bye to Brighton but not before the driver looked at Adam's giant bag and saying "do you have the crown jewels in there?" (insert Queen joke here)

We took the first train to London to a hearty round of "are we in the Chunnel?"

And the worst bit ever continues...

The train was pretty crowded so a seemingly nice lady sat with us. She might have been a little confused with all the Chunnel bits. But lucky for her she fell asleep pretty quick, as did the boys...

Thankfully because at this rate I was pretty sure I was gonna leave them on the train and go to Paris alone.

Anyhoo we arrived at Victoria station, and the nice woman and the boys woke up and with perfect timing she said to them, "are you horribly hungover too?"

Great apparently we were sitting with Bridget Jones.

Adam said as we left that she smelled like booze, but he couldn't tell if it was her or him so he didn't say anything...

We made our way on the tube to the Eurostar station with the boys doing the Chunnel bit on a loop, yay! It's a good thing this bit wasn't getting old, oh wait.

They just wouldn't stop...

We stopped at a market to get sandwiches for the train. It was pretty much like watching a monkey trying to do a math problem with these two trying to decide what was in the sandwiches, even though they were all written in English, idiots!

Next we went through passport control and unfortunately the French let Jeff and Adam in, Mierde!

There was just enough time for 700 more Chunnel bits, hi I might be a little over it...

Remember when this bit was funny? Because I don't...

I might have been over it...

Too subtle?

After getting settled on the train, thankfully I got to sit across from them so I at least had a 4 foot cushion from the Chunnel-a-thon.

And I might have put my headphones on like I do on planes, it's my subtle way of saying, yes I'm really just not interested in what you are saying.

So we're off to Paris!!! Oh and here is the boys enjoying the Chunnel...

Whomp whomp, Au Revoir!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:The Chunnel, Idiotville

Mr. Fish Brightons Up Our Night

After the Miss Jason debacle, once again we found ourselves to be a little tipsy because of Deviant Keith and his Deviant Friends. Of course, we were also starving (what else is new) and so we wandered the streets of Brighton looking for food. Keith was quite excited when he found a Kebab place that he used to frequent during his studies here.

As Keith ordered for us, I was busy making a nuisance of myself via the Mr. Fish cloused circuit television...

In my drunken dopiness, I found this to be hilarious.  And now that I'm looking at it with fresh, semi-sober eyes--I still find it entertaining.  The others were less than enthused, however, so I excused myself from the premises so that Keith could complete our transaction and get us fed.


All in all, our one and only night in Brighton was a great one. This city is magical…

…as are the kebabs....


Brightening Up The Evening In Brighton

After taking a leisurely stroll along the pier and throughout Brighton, at this point we decided we were hungry once again.  This whole trip has been about food and alcohol.  Not that I'm complaining but I can already tell I'm going to need some serious detoxing after this trip is over.

We found this cool little seafood restaurant called English's of Brighton.  It was delicious.

Keith mentioned the chips of his fish and chips were authentic chips like the serve on the boardwalk there in Brighton. I wasn’t sure if that was an open invitation to take one or not, so I felt as though it was a perfect time to distract him and take one.

Look, I think I see B-rad.
With my meal came blood sausage. I figured being in England I might as well go ahead and try it, even though the idea of eating anything with the word “blood” in it grosses me out.

I obviously did NOT care for the blood sausage.

And it even gave me a bit of rage.

But Jeff did enjoy his pint of Guinness.

After a louvely dinner, minus the blood sausage, we headed to Charles Street, a local bar, to meet up with one of Keith’s old roommates Anna and another friend, Owen from when he studied abroad here. They were both totally fun and awesome!!!

She only looks innocent and is so much fun!!    

Owen was awesome!!
 After the past two nights in London staying out super late and waking up drunk, we needed a pretty low key, quiet night. But of course with drinks.

As an added bonus, there was a show scheduled for that night. Turns out the regular performer had “fallen ill” so Miss Jason was taking her place.

Well Miss Jason reminded me of an old Jewish woman with a British accent.

This is the closest we wanted to get without her seeing us.
As we sat there watching the show, Jeff and I kept look at each other while Keith cracked up. The problem was, neither me nor Jeff could understand a word she was saying. It was like listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher.

We were able to get every few words she said though, “blah blah blah fat” or “blah blah blah fags.”

Yea, no clue what she is saying or talking about.  Ahhh, smoke!
Before every singing performance, she had the chaps in the bar countdown. And for some reason I found it quite amusing to hear a countdown from five to one in British accents. Probably for the same reason I am still amused every time I log in to check my AOL e-mail through AOL UK, the voice of the British woman saying “You have e-mail.”

So for a majority of the show, Jeff and I were trying to amuse ourselves.  Right behind where we were sitting was the bar, which had lights that changed colors ever few seconds. 

Jeff was verynice to put together this Andy Warhol piece of artwork for me.  It took him hours to put it together.

We left the bar drunk (shocker, I know) and needed to eat, again.

Brighton Rocks

Today we spent the day in Brighton.  Upon arriving at our amazing hotel we went down to the beach to see what the town has to offer.

We went to the Brighton Pier...

...which suspiciously looks and smells like the Jersey Shore.  (Not the TV one, the real one: Wildwood.  Anyone who tells you some other shore is better can suck it.)

The major difference between Wildwood (known locally in England as Wildwoowd... you know, because with double O's comes a Double-U... Queen’s English and all…) is that the beach is not actually made up of sand...

...but of rocks!  I thought "Yay!  Finally a beach I can frolic on without getting sand in my shoue!"

 Of course, those rocks had plans of their own. . .

 Perhaps I need new shoes...

And although the rocks do share some of sand's behavior, not all of its properties were carried over to the rocks.  For example...

...no matter how hard you try...

...you just can't build a sand castle out of rocks...

Worst.  Sand Castle.  Ever. 

And for the record, it also really, really hurts when your friends bury you here.

You can’t tell, but they tried to give me boobs and a mermaid tail. I hate my friends.

Once I managed to dislodge the rocks from my clothes, face and (again) shoes...


…we wandered into this old time Penny Arcade!

All of the machines in the place still work using the old school pennies that were in place before Europe converted to the Metric Europound® system. The games were simple… many just using silver marbles to shoot up into the hole. . .

That's what she saud. 

…and some were clearly not for children, like this naughty machine which has you put a penny and crank the knob (so to speak) in order to see a series of black and white photos that, when rotated fast enough create a little mini porn.

In this case, a flapper lady was hiking her skirt up while some chap played a bongo in the background.  I'm sure this was quite racy back in the day, but it left me quite unsatisfied.

Moving on:  There was also a hockey game (which I believe is called StickBaull here). It looks fun…

…but it did not work.

This game, however, did.

You shoot at the dead people in the coffins, and then they fall backwards and rise up again. I’m pretty sure this is what 28 Days Later was based on….which, for the recourd, was released here in Europe under its metric title, 3 Hectares After.

The most, uhhh, “precious” moment was when we found this Jazz Band in the back of the museum. It’s a four piece band…

... in what seems to be black face. And for 20p (approximately 50 cents, or .03 million billograms) they will sing and dance for you. And sometimes, their eyeballs move.

It was actually pretty terrifying. I might go back and hide beneath those rocks.